the sun is on my side

Met my guys parents last night, and they seemed to like me. His dad was a little more quiet, but his mom made me spaghetti and poured me a glass of white wine and we talked about knitting for a while :)

His dog also seems to like me a lot too, which is good because I think dogs usually hate me…

Also, also, I smoked pot for the first time ever last night and it was…really underwhelming. I don’t know what being high is supposed to be like and maybe I hyped it up too much in my head but like, I took a few hits with him and then ate a peanut butter sandwich and got kind of a headache and fell asleep. Oh well.

Oh yeah and happy easter! Hope the rest of the year brings lots of growth and new beginnings and renewal for you all :)

I’m making a zine! :D

A ______’s Guide for Living in a Patriarchal, White-Supremacist, Rape Culture

That’s the title :)

So yeah, we’re working on the revolution, and it’s coming surely but slowwwly. In the meantime though, we still have to live in this bullshit oppressive culture. And as people who yearn for and work for gender equality, it gets really taxing living day in and day out in a culture that constantly poops all over everything we stand for. It can get discouraging, and sometimes leaves us thinking “what’s the point?”

Well I hate that! >:(

The words “A Girl’s Guide to Living in a Patriarchy” popped into my head this morning as I was waking up (yeah, feminism has consumed my life ok), but I tweaked it because obviously girls aren’t the only people who live in and get hurt by a patriarchal society; everyone does: she’s, he’s, ze’s and others. As I started getting more serious about putting this together I wracked by brain for a good-sounding, all inclusive word to replace “girl”. The only one I could think of was “people” but that sounds kinda mehhh so I decided that it would be a lot nicer and more personal to leave a blank, so that the reader can fill in whatever they identify as! 

The point of the zine is for peeps to share their feelings about living in a patriarchal, white-supremacist rape culture, as well as sharing the ways they personally deal and cope with it. The little rebellions and revolutions we have for ourselves everyday, that may not seem like a big deal (examples):

• a woman/female identified person choosing not to shave
• calling a friend out for telling an offensive/insensitive joke
• ignoring or snapping back at mean comments about your outward appearance
• a black person proudly wearing their natural hair
• making a point to use gender-neutral language
•  having a playlist of empowering songs that you listen to at the end of the day
•  how you deal with street harassment
• etc. etc, sooo many other things y’all! Anything and everything. 

I honestly could fill pages and pages myself (as I’m sure everyone else could), but what good is something like this if it’s only coming from one perspective? We all live different experiences, but sharing them can help unify us and make our movement stronger. So I want submissions! It could be in any form you want, a story, a list, a poem, a drawing, a song, whatever. I don’t have any really any rules or guidlines except that I ask that you be inclusive in the words you use, and that I won’t tolerate any hate toward any groups (unless of course if that group is willfully-ignorant bigots and meanies. Hate on them all you want)

I’m taking submissions starting right now, until…I’m not sure yet, I guess until I feel like I have enough? I’ll figure it out. 

So please submit to guidetopatriarchy@gmail.com (make sure to let me know if you want to be anonymous), and spread the word! 

I hope this can be a source of comfort, strength, inspiration, and/or morale.

*also, if you have any comments about how this could be more inclusive or just better in general feel free to inbox me!

*also also, a little while ago I mentioned that I was thinking about doing a zine about black folks and our hair, and a few people responded; I haven’t forgotten,  still want to do that too :)

Things I wish I could say to my 16 year old self

-Do you want a hug?

-Shave your head. Seriously. And never straighten your hair again. You’re natural hair is gorgeous the way it is, don’t let anyone make you feel like you need to alter it to be pretty.

-get a tumblr, avoid facebook for as long as possible

-stop wanting so hard to become friends with those people (you know who I’m talking about). You’re going to become friends with an awesome group of people you probably weren’t expecting, so just go with it.

-Don’t be afraid to identify as a feminist. Embrace it completely, read lots of feminist literature, discover what zines are, read Bitch Magazine instead of Seventeen, and listen to Bikini Kill. For starters.

-You’re gonna have some pretty bad anxiety soon. It’ll only be really bad for a couple of years, but it’ll never totally go away. Don’t try to talk to mum about it, she means well but she’s just gonna make you feel worse. You know exactly what’s causing it, even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself, and you can make it stop. So, save your 19 year old self some unnecessary head/heartache and just get the issue out of your life and try not to think about it ever again. You’ll sleep a lot better at night.

-You will see X Japan in concert. Look forward to it. Also, bring a sweater with you when you go. You’re not gonna meet Yoshiki and have him fall in love with you and whisk you away to have millions of babies with him. He is gonna buy everyone in line pizza, though. 

-You didn’t lose grandma’s gold ring, so don’t tell mum you did cause she’s really gonna freak out. Just clean out underneath the bed and you’ll find it.

-Stop trying to lose weight. You are totally fine the way you are. If you still insist on worrying about it, you’re probably the lightest you’re ever gonna be right now and by the end of your first year of college you’re gonna weigh about 15 lbs more than you do, and you’re gonna be hotter than ever, lady.

-Joining drama club was a good call. It’s gonna be one of the best parts about high school.

-Speaking of which, stop believing that your legs are too fat to wear short skirts/dresses. They aren’t, and dresses look so good on you I can’t believe it took you (me…this is weird) until freshman year of college to figure that out. Ditch the jeans srsly.

-Do NOT let mum convince you to throw away those awesome Steve Madden platforms. Yeah they’re old and the sole of one of them was starting to fall off, but that’s what super glue is for. Seriously, you will regret it soooo bad, those shoes were amazing I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE I THREW THEM OUT

-You’re not getting a car till your 2nd year of college. That doesn’t mean you should get lazy about getting your license but just wait till your 18 and don’t bother paying for drivers ed.

-Stop stretching your lobes so fast, and take better care of them, because stretching to 00g last fall was ridiculous

-You’re gonna end up going to prom (junior and senior) and having an awesome time so stop saying how “stupid” you think it is, it’s obnoxious.

-You’re awkward, and you know it. But you know what, almost everyone around you is probably thinking the same thing about themselves. Don’t worry so much about how you come off to others.

leering

Today I went out. I had to go to the library and do some other stuff, and my mom offered to give me a ride but I felt like traveling alone, so I took the bus and walked the rest of the way. Over the course of my outing I got leered at by 5 different creepy guys. 

Now, there’s a difference between looking or staring, and leering. Looking is natural. You live in a place with a bunch of human beings, all different in their own way; people are fascinating, it’s natural to look at them and appreciate them. I’m fine with looking, and being looked at. Staring is kind of annoying and rude, but I feel like staring often results from a person zoning out or forgetting themselves for a moment. I do it sometimes. So I can forgive staring. 

Leering is a totally different thing. Leering is that long, lingering, up-and-down gaze. Leering isn’t appreciating, leering is objectifying. Leering is vulgar (and not in the good way), and arrogant, and malicious and unwelcome and possessive, claiming possession over something that isn’t theirs: my body. When someone leers at me, they aren’t seeing a human, they’re seeing a thing. They aren’t thinking of me as a person, they’re thinking of themselves. Maybe of what they’d like to do with me (or more accurately, to me). It makes me feel suddenly tense and angry and scared; it makes me feel like I have to walk faster to escape it. It makes me wonder if my skirt is “too short”, or if my cleavage is “too showy”, or if my top is “too tight”. And that’s not ok, I and every other woman or man (not all men enjoy vulgar unsolicited sexual attention, believe it or not!) or non-binary person should be able to go out looking however we want without being sized up and objectified. And no, we aren’t going to consider it a “compliment”.

So just in case there are any leerers reading this: you need to stop. Seriously. You may not be shouting or catcalling, but it’s still a form of street harassment, and you’re making a lot of people feel upset and unsafe and angry. And no one has the right to do that to anyone else.

Also it’s just really gross and inappropriate. Get a grip, please.

so many pleasant things packed into just 2 days

Yesterday I got 2 really nice, good quality sweaters for 6 bucks (I’m a sweater fiend, so this is a big deal to me) 

I picked up Persepolis and Ghost World at the library today

I got about 16 oz of shea for 10. Dollars. (!!!)

I’ve got a cool volunteer position lined up for the rest of the summer.

I’ve finally found a lip stain that works well and looks nice :)

aaand it seems like I’ll have a job by the end of next week (still crossing my fingers on this one though)

And now all I want to do is read, eat, and nap.

gahhh am I the only person who gets so annoyed by “nice guys” complaining about how women don’t like them or whatever? It’s like seriously? It doesn’t matter how “nice” you think you are, if I don’t want to date you, then I don’t want to friggin date you. And I don’t have to give you a reason or justify it (although I personally would just cause I think it’s nice to, and I’d want a guy to do the same for me)There’s nothing wrong with that, and there’s probably nothing wrong with you either. I just wasn’t attracted to you, oh well. It happens, it stings a little, but you know what, if you’re as nice as you constantly say you are, then you should have no problem finding a girl who is attracted to you and who does want to date you!

Sorry if this sounded mean, but I see boys post stuff like that all over facebook and I’ve had a couple of guys say this to me in real life and it always gives me these “what-right-does-that-bitch-have-to-not-want-to-date-me” vibes, and it’s really unsettling.